If we go by age-old surveys and reports, it has been thoroughly proven that kids with two of their biological parents present around them in a grow-up set up tend to do much better. In this perfect family situation, a child can adapt better.
However, the turbulence hits in when the parents opt for a divorce and consequently decide to re-marry. Although, it will be wrong to say that divorce and re-marriage only have negative connotations. They can also bring in a positive light in children’s lives. But, the former is more apparent than the latter.
The impact of divorce and re-marriage does not only succumb to the two partners/parents involved. It takes a heavy toll on the children as well. While some children react to it in a neutral/natural way, some just do not accept it.
The first situation happens when the child comes from a less disturbed family. He/she sees their parents not happy with each other and thus, realizes that separation is the best way to keep them happy. Or, in cases where there is incessant violence by one parent on another, the child becomes elated to see this violence stopping through separation.
However, there are cases where children just cannot take the fact that their parents will no more live together. Recurrent violence, abuse, and tension at home make them vulnerable to such an extent, that they start fearing any change that will happen in their life. Therefore, as big a change as divorce or re-marriage scares them out of their fits.
Let us look at both sides of the spectrum and count their further consequences.
Negative Side of Divorce and Re-marriage
Separation and re-marriage creating a negative attitude in children are not at all surprising. Imagine a child equally attached to both his/her parents. One fine day suddenly he is asked to choose which parent he wants to live with. What dilemma will the child go through then? It will be so heartbreaking and devastating for the child to pick one from his two loved ones.
Similarly, when children see their parents getting set to marry someone else instead of their parents, it strikes a sense of anger in them. They form an inherent resentment towards their parent’s new partner, which turns out to be extremely harmful in the long run.
This dilemma and anger is just a small example of a fraction of other things that go on in a child’s mind. Let us look at some of the most common consequences.
Loss of Social Interest
Children who go through such a disruptive scenario at home, often lose all their social interest. They do not like to socialize with anyone and do not engage in activities that others engage in. They hide deep into their shell and always keep to themselves.
A Feeling of Guilt
When children see their parents not happy with each other, they question the reasons behind it. Not able to get any concrete answer from their parents, they blame themselves. Therefore, guilt leads to self-blaming, which leads to situations of anxiety, depression, and melancholy.
Divorce and re-marriage can invoke the worst side of a child’s mental health. Constant pressure on the child to adapt, act happy and behave normally ingrains a sense of existential crisis in them. They tend to question their very base of existence and the reason behind it.
Therefore, they get an answer to all this by harming themselves and punishing themselves for all the disruption happening around them.
Difficulty to Adapt
Change in family dynamics and change of living situations and people, makes a child mentally disturbed. They find it difficult to adapt to their new family conditions of single parenthood or new spouses of their parents and hence, get much more angry and irritable.
These were all the negative side-effects of the divorce and re-marriage diaspora. However, just like everything has two sides, the effects of divorce and re-marriage can also not be only negative. It does have a positive side to it as well.
A Positive View
Although, it is pertinently difficult to list down affirmative outcomes of something as serious as divorce and re-marriage. But, if we dig a little deeper and analyze closely, divorce and remarriage can have a positive side to it as well.
When does Divorce happen? The answer lies that divorce happens at a point in time when two partners become extremely toxic to be with each other and for each other. Therefore, a toxic household becomes inevitable out of two quarreling partners. In these extremely negative household setups, a child cannot grow fully. There is always some or the other thing lacking in their proper upbringing.
This is exactly where the positive side kicks in.
- Self- Growth
Many a time, divorce happens for the ultimate good. If two people cannot live happily with each other then they should find their happiness sans each other.
Therefore, when children get out of this trauma and negative house setting, it gives them a chance to focus on themselves. To heal themselves for the good, to grow themselves, and to adjust better with others.
Although, adaptability indeed has more negative connotations than positive ones. But, there are children around the world for whom this adaptability works as a blessing in disguise.
After their parents’ divorce, and perturbed re-marriage, they can put themselves out there in a much better way and socialize.
Good Mental Health
It is very obvious that once the children move away from home toxicity and negativity, their mental health tends to improve. They can finally set a foot out of the jaws of darkness, self-doubt, and guilt. They can work towards achieving better mental health by adapting well to their new family structures.
To bring up the best version of a child, all that the parents need to do is raise them with love and warmth. Children are so tender and innocent that they tend to imbibe all that they see in front of them. If you show them good, they turn out good. If you show them worse, they turn out worst.
In houses where the parents want to get separated and indulge with someone else, a child is heartbroken. Shattered to see his parents leaving each other and their home falling apart. Therefore, in scenarios like this, leaving the child alone is not the solution.
Giving him time to heal, making him understand the crux of the current situation, and showering him with love and compassion is all that is required.
For more articles, click here: Domestic Violence and Children
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