Marriage has several stages. However, the worst stage comes when both the partners decide to go on their separate ways. Many times, things get stopped at separation. However, in most cases, this separation reaches the court and turns into a divorce.
A divorce is a horrifying nightmare for many. It haunts people emotionally. Drains people physically. And, attacks people mentally. For suppose, if a family is going through the proceedings of divorce, it takes a toll on everyone.
Although, it is said that divorce affects a woman more than a man. It is not the complete truth. A divorce affects both the partners equally. The roundabouts of courts, the constant interference of society, repeated questions of the whole family, all of this does create a persistent pressure on both the man and woman.
However, in between all this, there is another integral hit. The tender-aged children do not even know what is happening between their parents.
Why is Coping with Divorce Important?
Though, it is absolutely clear now that divorce can have a whole bunch of repercussions on the parties involved in it. Be it a man, a woman, or a child. All of them have to deal with the brunt of divorce in some way or the other. Because, if you do not cope up/deal with it at the right time, it can have consequences that can last for life.
For instance, some people tend to suppress their emotions for the time being. They think of dealing with serious issues in the later future, to make their present joyful. However, that does not work. These hidden emotions will one day take a massive toll on these people and suppress them for life.
It is always advisable to deal with things at hand as they come. There are various ways through which one deals with the tough hurdles of life. Ignoring them or living in denial is no option.
Here are a few ways listed down that can help a woman, a man, and children to cope up with as serious a situation as divorce in a way that keeps them emotionally balanced. Let us have a look.
When it comes to men dealing with a divorce, there are a lot of factors that come into play. Be it the societal stigmatization of men not expressing their emotions or them being teased/mocked for grieving on something that is considered an apparent “women’s business”.
Things like “man up”, “Stop being a child” are always thrown at them in every sphere of life. Therefore, they hide their pain and emotion deep within, while trying to express on the outside that all is well. However, this is far from true. Men need to deal with and validate their inner feelings of agony too. This is important for them to have a stable mental equilibrium.
Let us look at a few ways that can help men to cope with divorce better.
1. Own your Feelings, Reactions, and Emotions
As mentioned above, social stigmatization does lead men to dive into their shells and not open up out-rightly to their feelings of grief. However, this leads to further suppression. This can also result in a sudden emotional outburst at an inappropriate place or time.
Therefore, acknowledge the fact that you can cry your heart out and that you are feeling miserable about things not happening in the right way. Accept your emotions at the right time and own them up despite society asking you to be “manly”.
2.Stay Away From Addictions
Many a time, it has been observed that various men seek temporary solace and gratification in alcohol, marijuana, drugs etcetera. These products seem to provide part-time satisfaction to them and give them the feeling of being free from stress only for a time being.
However, in the long run, this addiction of people can have serious health consequences. Instead of taking one out of the clutches of stress and anxiety, this binge-drinking and smoking addiction can induce further health-related stress in people.
Therefore, temporary liberation is not the answer.
3.Keep Yourself Busy in a Routine
As hard as it may sound, entering into a new life, with new routines and schedules, a man has to do this to keep himself busy. This will not only prevent his mind to wander in thought spaces unrequired but also enable him to keep himself going and not pausing his life overall.
As soon as one starts to do their work on time and dwell in a healthy and good routine, they will move a step towards a happy life once again.
4.Take Professional Help if Necessary
While once again the stigmatization of various factors comes into play in this scenario, a man must muster the courage to go up to a therapist if necessary. In times like divorce, several emotions keep moving inside a person.
Therefore, it is very important to address these emotions at the right time and keep going. If one feels that they are not able to do it single-handedly, they can go and seek professional help for that. There is no shame in it!
Although we talked about the societal stigmatization in pertinence to men, women also have to go through a lot in these times. The inherent mentality of society to blame everything on a woman brings a woman’s morale down to a whole new level. They step into the cycle of blaming themselves, and in the process lose their self-identity as a whole.
Let us look at some of the ways for a woman to cope up with the havoc and stress of a divorce.
1.Do Not Blame Yourself
Though, society will condition you to think that it is all your fault, and had you given a second chance to your marriage things would not have hit the drains, be firm on your decision.
Do not end up thinking about the “what ifs”. Do not let others decide what you should do and how you should feel about something. The fault of a marriage breaking is never on one shoulder. It is always a two-way vindictive process. So, do not let others prompting you to self-blame get over you.
2.Talk to your Friends
Talking and sharing what you feel like to your close pals can bring a positive change in your life. A feeling that someone is there to listen and understand you when the man you trusted the most did not.
However, you must always keep in mind that do not surround yourself with people who just show to empathize with you. But, in reality, they pity you. This petty pity emotion of theirs will anyway be visible in their actions. Therefore, this will hurt you further and make you feel like it was all your fault.
Learn to bifurcate between empathy and pity.
3.Focus on your Financial Independence
It is witnessed in numerous cases that a woman who was not financially independent before her divorce, tries to focus on this aspect a lot. She gives her time and efforts in searching for something that can provide her with finances so that she does not have to be dependent on anybody.
This can work as an enabler for women to not think about their past misery and melancholy. Instead, focus on the brighter side of getting financially independent. Since they devote a lot of time to either get better at their jobs or look for a new job, they tend to think less and less about their miserable past relationship.
4.Grieve to your Heart’s Content
A woman must accept her emotions. Like a man, a woman is also put to various conditions in her divorce. Starting from being strong to support your children or be bold so that wolves do not attack you on road, they have to see it all.
Therefore, in such scenarios full of expectations, it is very important to grieve about the things that went wrong. Do what you feel like, do not try to show that you are strong only because society or your estranged husband wants to see it. Cry as much as you want and grieve as much as you want. But, do not fall weak.
In this fight between parents, children become an unnecessary victim. They suffer for something they are not a part of. They get to witness something their parents being out of love and therefore indulge in the dilemma of choosing one parent over another. It becomes their worst nightmare.
Therefore, it becomes necessary for the parents to help their children cope with such a situation in these heavy and stressful circumstances.
Let us look at a few ways to do so.
Try to be as honest as possible with your parents. Tell them how you feel about the entire divorce situation. If you are going through some level of emotion that you are finding hard coping up with, tell to your parents before it’s too late.
They will understand your issue and maybe talking to them will make you feel lighter.
2.Do not Blame yourself
A divorce always comes in with self-blame. Be it a man, woman, or child. It is inevitable for the people involved to blame themselves. However, you must remember it’s not your fault.
Your parents choosing the way of divorce was never because of you. It happened because it was never meant to stay.
3.Stay Away from Fights & Arguments
It becomes an extremely unavoidable situation for a child to ignore the conflicts and fights at home. But, stay away from this stress-provoking and triggering scenarios as much as possible.
This will not only help you deal with your mental health situation better but will also keep you away from the jaws of deep trauma. Divorce can often create trauma in a child. Therefore, it is highly beneficial for a child to stay away from the divorce proceedings as much as possible.
A divorce can without a doubt have life-long negative impacts on a person. Many people after their divorce lose trust in a relationship. They take time to put faith in people and even the minimalist of things triggers them.
However, one must also remember that the dreariness along with divorce will not last for a lifetime. Things have to get better, people have to heal for their betterment. Life is too short to hold on to the sad things. There are times when it requires nothing but letting go to get better.
What is meant to be yours, will come to you and be with you no matter what. However, something/someone that is not meant to be there in your life forever will anyway go away. How so ever you try to keep it.
Therefore, learn to move on and count your blessings!
For more articles, click here: Psychological Effects of Divorce and Re-marriage on Children
Sources 1.https://www.onlinedivorce.com/blog/men-coping-with-divorce/ 2.https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/news/a568703/how-to-cope-with-divorce-tips/